This last five days or so has been one of deep reflection and filled with a thirst for understanding. Not of the world outside as much as the inside, and what things that happen in society and the world at large really mean to this life, this direction, this passion of mine. Sure, I could easily go the apathetic route and just put on an aire of not caring one bit, but that would be ingenuous. I could also start wallowing in what the assumed consequences could be and that would do me very little good if any at all. Yes, anger, amazement and astonishment, disdain and pure rage ran deeply through these emotional pathways. In the old days I would still be on a bender, trying to assuage my reality with chemicals of one kind or another. Trying to argue and manipulate my world into something that I could handle, not manage, but handle somehow. I am noting that at almost five years sober at the moment, I have had a more honest and meaningful life in that amount of time than I did in the thir...