Tempests Follow

This last five days or so has been one of deep reflection and filled with a thirst for understanding. Not of the world outside as much as the inside, and what things that happen in society and the world at large really mean to this life, this direction, this passion of mine. Sure, I could easily go the apathetic route and just put on an aire of not caring one bit, but that would be ingenuous. I could also start wallowing in what the assumed consequences could be and that would do me very little good if any at all. Yes, anger, amazement and astonishment, disdain and pure rage ran deeply through these emotional pathways. In the old days I would still be on a bender, trying to assuage my reality with chemicals of one kind or another. Trying to argue and manipulate my world into something that I could handle, not manage, but handle somehow. I am noting that at almost five years sober at the moment, I have had a more honest and meaningful life in that amount of time than I did in the thir

I have been trying to wrap my head around this acceptance that is now forced upon me. My writing going forward is not for posting to the general public, but rather back here in the tiny hole I have tapped out keystroke by keystroke. Something that once bled from my hands and mind as easily as water has turned into a cold gray cinder block of fluidity. I am amazed that I have typed this much without a curse word or fifty. I have to use this all in my recovery as well because I am almost five now in sobriety years and that is always a touchy time. How all of this is going to play out in that arena is hard to say right now, but I do not wish to go back to those rooms, I do not wish to be a part of something that would support killing off my country. All of this has turned my world and my views upside down. I am someone who has the greatest of empathy for others and can forgive with just a thought. Here I am though on the other side of the fence, a growing apathy and indifference of a