I have been itching to write an opinion piece or article for months. Today, Fathers Day 2015 I think it needs to start. Like I have stated many times throughout this blog, these are just my opinions at the time and reflect my life experiences and views. I feel like I am an understanding and open individual, so along those lines I will try to write some of my thoughts down. It will probably be hard to read for many because of the way I think and write. Because I am trying to reach out into my "giftedness" and being an HSP this is all new to me too. I hope one day someone sees this stuff, but I am in no hurry. The more I write and express maybe the whole picture can paint itself to someone, maybe even me.
First off I consider myself an Independent. I have voted both sides of the isle and at this time in my life and the state of the country as a whole must lean strongly to the left. I am opinionated and blunt, and am not afraid to call things AS I SEE them. That is all anyone can do, now isn't it. I will mark each one with Opinion or Article, I do that to differentiate between fact/fact based and opinion pieces. Journalism may just breathe again once people figure out the difference.
OP:
7/21/15
A Loss of Meaning
I have been around this Earth for a few years now. I have seen the great triumphs of humanity, and the epic inhumanity of it as well. As we move forward though I am curious and pessimistic about one thing at the moment. Have we lost our meaning?
OP:
6/21/15
The Smell of Things
There is a certain and definite taste in the air, an almost mealy grain on the tongue during the daily grind. The sewers of history and of intolerance are backing up into the streets once more, ugly boils of mankind bubbling up through society's grates. It's fouling stench is coming from everywhere and it is exactly what we have asked for.
The state of the country is not what is in question here any longer. The country will survive through great strife and change, that has been proven time and time again. That is the history and those are the facts. The real issues of angst and anger, of intolerance and greed, and everything deemed wrong here lays with and within mankind. So this piece is not an indictment of a failed political system or party, but of We The People.
We The People started this before We were a nation. We, in our broadest wisdom of the day believed and still do that other people were things. No matter the color of skin we put a value on life in monetary terms. That "value" and "values" system has not left us. It is exactly what we asked for in all honesty, how much am I worth? We misplaced a value first, and that got interpreted as values and somehow we took values and changed that into morals. We are an illiterate society believing in definitions that we entirely made up. There is a reason I bring this up in this manner, it hasn't ever stopped, simply adapted better than we did.
I was once asked: "How can you be angry at a God that you don't believe in?" That question shook my world, and my thinking forever. We often rail against the government, and corporations blaming them for all the ills in our world, that fetted stench. We also rail against others who are different than us whether it be race or religion, political leanings or lifestyles. We brought this all along with us for hundreds of years on a misunderstanding of the very principle we say we hold dear. "How can you be angry at Liberty when you don't believe in it?" There can be no value placed on liberty, if we are the land of liberty, then we have a strange interpretation of the word, and the feeling itself.
When we put a value in monetary terms on a human life all those years ago, we also made ourselves a commodity. Once extrapolated to todays society and world I can't believe that it is not obvious. Once We The People declared that only some men were deemed free, and that others were commodities the buying began. Slaves and Servants became Workers and Planners, they evolved into the many classes we have today. Even better now is the fact that these commodities could be bought or rented as needed for only part of the time. All based on the exact same value system and oft uttered "values" excuse used for their misinterpreted self-righteousness. So are we a nation of liberty or misplaced value(s)?
There is a constant push to legislate our discomforts, to gain control over other people, places and things. I don't believe this is liberty, or freedom simply more of this value system that we have made up because we have expectations. Some have expectations of things not changing, while others have them about constant change. Guess what? Evolution has already answered that question time and time again. Those who do not change and adapt..perish.
We are not adapting, or changing, we are just some silly putty Chimera changing shape but not substance. We are polishing the outside of our garbage cans and complaining about the stink. We have Churches of Starbucks that you go into and pay for your spiritual latte, or mocha. Those would have a better chance to give you a spiritual experience if you spilled them in your lap. We are not changing, we are evolving, and that is also written in natural law as taking an awfully long time. We are evolving slowly into humans again, mankind can have its party, but humanity will win the day.
I would like to think that we are breeding out the intolerance, that the ugly bile of our past is glaring us in the face. Do We The People continue this ruse upon the masses? Or do we finally put an end to the time of man, and truly begin the time of humanity? The government is not to blame, the corporations are not to blame. We have made ourselves into this image, and did it rather easily, but it is time to look in the mirror. With our ugly and embarrassing past, it is never an easy thing to do. You cannot have the valor without acknowledging the wounds. So when I see the hatred, in words and acts, when I hear the intolerance of others in their speech and the will for annihilation of others. I am left with nothing but pity for those who willfully shove their humanity aside for mistrust and hate, misplaced definitions of what things mean. For their shiny garbage cans and the smell of things.
Thanks
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This was a mirror article that I wrote on a article to note that men don't always have it so easy either.
A lot of women call this misogyny, I just call it honest from my point of view.
There's this thing that happens whenever I speak about or write about womens issues. Things like Feminism, Rape culture and sexism. I get the comments: You just don't' get it! You don't get to discuss this! What would you know? Misogynist.
Every. Single. Time.
And every single time I get frustrated. Why won't they even listen?
I think I figured out why.
They don't know.
They don’t know about de-escalation. Minimizing. Quietly acquiescing.
Hell, even though men live it,They are not always aware of it. But they have all done it.
We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us unsociable. How to avoid hurting a woman or endangering them. We have all, on many occasions, had to defend an offensive comment. We’ve all been laughed offed by an inappropriate come-ons. We’ve all swallowed our anger when being belittled or condescended to.
It doesn’t feel good. It feels icky. fake. But we do it because to not do it could put us in danger or get us fired or labeled a sexist/misogynist/rapist. So we usually take the path of least precariousness.
It’s not something we talk about on any day. We don’t tell our girlfriends and wives and friends every time it happens. Because it is so frequent, so pervasive, that it has become something we just deal with.
So maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t know that at the tender age of 13 we had to start being adult men starting our hormone sickness. Maybe they don’t know that women our Mom’s ages actually push this on to us while we were working the cash register. They probably don’t know that the girl in English class who asked us out sent angry messages just because we turned her down. They may not be aware that our supervisor regularly scolds us for being a man, an ass. And they surely don’t know that most of the time we smile, with gritted teeth. That we look away or pretend not to notice. They likely have no idea how often these things happen. That these things have become routine. So expected that we hardly notice it anymore.
So routine that we go through the motions of ignoring it and minimizing. Not showing our suppressed anger and fear and frustration. A quick cursory smile or a clipped laugh will allow us to continue with our day. We de-escalate. We minimize it. Both internally and externally, we minimize it. We have to. To not shrug it off would put is in confrontation mode more often than most of us feel like dealing with.
We learn at a young age how to do this. We didn’t put a name or label to it. We didn’t even consider that other guys were doing the same thing. But we were teaching ourselves, mastering the art of de-escalation. Learning by way of observation and quick risk assessment what our reactions should and shouldn’t be.
We go through a quick mental checklist. Does she seem volatile, angry? Are there other people around? Does she seem reasonable and is just trying to be funny, albeit clueless? Will saying something impact my school/job/reputation? In a matter of seconds we determine whether we will say something or let it slide. Whether we’ll call her out or turn the other way, smile politely or pretend that we didn’t hear/see/feel it.
It happens all the time. And it’s not always clear if the situation is dangerous or benign.
It is the boss who says She believes something is inappropriate? It is the customer who holds our tip out of reach until we lean over to hug her. It’s the female friend who has had too much to drink and tries to corner us for a “friends with benefits” moment even though we’ve made it clear we’re not interested. It’s the girl who gets angry if we turn her down for a date. Or a dance. Or a drink.
We see it happen to our friends. We see it happen in so many scenarios and instances that it becomes the norm. And we really don’t think anything of it. Until that one time that came close to being a dangerous situation. Until we hear that the “friend” who liked us accused a guy of rape a day later. Until our boss makes good on her promise to fire us on New Years Eve though she catches us alone in the kitchen. Those times stick out. They’re the ones we may tell your friends, our boyfriends, our husbands about.
But all the other times? All the times we felt uneasy or nervous but nothing more happened? Those times we just go about our business and don’t think twice about.
It’s the reality of being a man in our world.
It’s laughing off sexism because we were made to feel we had no valid opinion.
It’s feeling sick to your stomach that we had to “play along” to get along.
It’s feeling shame and regret the we didn’t call that girl out, the one who seemed intimidating but in hindsight was probably harmless. Probably.
It’s taking our date out, finger poised over the “panic” button when we’re walking alone at night.
It’s positioning our keys between our fingers in case we need a weapon when walking to our car.
It’s lying and saying we have a girlfriend just so a girl would take “No” for an answer.
It’s being at a crowded bar/concert/insert any crowded event, and getting kicked out because a girl just wrongly called you a jerk, thinking you were the one who just grabbed their ass.
It’s knowing that even if we spot her, we can't say anything.
It’s walking through the parking lot of a big box store and politely saying Hello when a woman passing us. It’s pretending not to hear as she berates us for trying to be polite. Going further. What? You think you're good enough to talk to me? You got a problem? Pffft… asshole.
It’s not telling our friends or our parents or our wives because it’s just a matter of fact, a part of our lives.
It’s the memory that haunts us of that time we were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s the stories our friends tell us through heartbreaking tears of that time they were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s realizing that the dangers we perceive every time we have to choose to confront these situations aren’t in our imagination.But we may not speak of them. Because we know too many women who have been abused, assaulted or raped.
It occurred to me recently that a lot of girls may be unaware of this. They have heard of things that happened, they have probably at times seen it and stepped in to stop it. But they likely have no idea how often it happens. That it colors much of what men say or do and how we do it.
Maybe we need to explain it better. Maybe we need to stop ignoring it to ourselves, minimizing it in our own minds.
The girls that shrug off or tune out when a man talks about sexism in our culture? They’re not bad guys. They just haven’t lived our reality. And we don’t really get to talk about the everyday stuff that we witness and experience. So how could they know?
So, maybe the good women in our lives have no idea that we deal with this stuff on regular basis.
Maybe it is so much our norm that it didn’t occur to us that we would have to try to tell them.
It occurred to me that they don’t know the scope of it and they don’t always understand that this is our reality. So, yeah, when I get fired up about a comment someone makes about a girl’s tight dress, they don’t always get it. When I get worked up over the every day sexism I’m seeing and witnessing and watching… when I’m hearing of the things my son and his friends are experiencing… they don’t realize it’s the tiny tip of a much bigger iceberg.
Maybe I’m realizing that women can’t be expected to understand how pervasive everyday sexism is if we don’t start telling them and pointing to it when it happens. Maybe I’m starting to realize that women have no idea that even walking into a store men have to be on guard. We have to be aware, subconsciously, of our surroundings and any perceived threats.
Maybe I’m starting to realize that just shrugging it off and not making a big deal about it is not going to help anyone.
We de-escalate.
We are acutely aware of our vulnerability. Aware that if she wanted to? That girl in the Home Depot parking lot could begin hitting us and doing whatever she wants. Our defences turned into asault.
Girls, this is what it means to be a man. We are sexualized before we even understand what that means. We develop into men while our minds are still innocent. We get stares and comments before we can even drive. From adult women. We feel uncomfortable but don’t know what to do, so we go about our lives. We learn at an early age, that to confront every situation that makes us squirm is to going to put ourselves in danger. We are aware that we are the bigger, physically stronger sex. That girls and women are capable of overpowering us if they choose to. So we minimize and we de-escalate.
So, the next time a man talks about being belittled and how it makes him uncomfortable, don’t dismiss him. Listen.
The next time your husband complains about being called “misogynist” at work, don’t shrug in apathy. Listen.
The next time you read about or hear a man call out sexist language, don’t belittle him for doing so. Listen.
The next time your boyfriend tells you that the way a gal talked to him made him feel uncomfortable, don’t shrug it off. Listen.
Listen because your reality is not the same as his.
Listen because his concerns are valid and not exaggerated or inflated.
Listen because the reality is that he or someone he knows personally has at some point been abused, assaulted, or raped. And he knows that it’s always a danger of happening to anyone.
Listen because even a simple comment from a strange woman can send ripples of fear through him.
Listen because he may be trying to make his experience not be the experience of his sons.
Listen because nothing bad can ever come from listening.
Just. Listen.
Original article. http://driftingthrough.com/2015/11/20/the-thing-all-women-do-that-you-dont-know-about/ _____________________________________________________________________________
My Articles: From Yabberz Political and Social commentary
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85672404/?highlight=85672404
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85670602/?highlight=85670602
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85667429/?highlight=85667429
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85660380/?highlight=85660380
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85162250/?highlight=85162250
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85169738/?highlight=85169738
https://www.yabberz.com/post/new/85605476/?highlight=85605476
https://www.yabberz.com/post/this-is-my-america/85594454/?highlight=85594454
https://www.yabberz.com/hobbes.douge
Will America Survive?
At this point that is a rather serious question. We have seen what "We the People" have become. Can We support a nation of this kind and scope?
Can this current generation of American souls do the hard work that was needed in the past to pull through this? I have my doubts and they are being substantiated in almost every news story out there. Am I witnessing through a Pandora's gift of the information age, its demise?
From State's rights, to Human rights, Terrorism and Politics, Religion and Freedoms. We have all of the issues that have been with us from the beginning of this adventure into country building. The massive war machines of our past have done little good in actully solving issues and problems and have just spawned newer ones. Where once we were fighting for freedoms from a foreign government has turned into asking them from our own.
I don't think we have the wherewithal anymore to pull this off. Our educations and worldviews are not as lofty as those during the times of the Revolution. Our work ethic has turned into a whining epidemic, and our value as Americans has been turned around on us to mean the very worst of the world.
We seemingly cannot build anymore and our infrastucture is crumbling. We cant afford to fix our bridges, yet we pay for a new stadium every five years. We cannot educate our children without putting them into massive debt, poverty or wealth theirs and our biggest gamble. We have race issues as big as ever, and a new upsurge in the religious issues as well. We have that great red and blue divide that begs me to ask why there is always white in the middle?
We have corruption at all levels and barring none, spies amongst us from every foreign land and government. We have militias and vigilantes patrolling our neighborhoods. With either guns and masks or soccer parents waging a PC war. We cannot afford a sack of groceries without wondering which day to fast yet by golly we got those gas prices down!
We have been for a long time time a programmable commodity and we either don't see it or are just playing along. Mankind became a commodity thousands of years ago, it just changes by the century it seems. We were introduced to it through Town Criers and Church gossip. Then newspapers and books, then through acting and productions. We were programmed to either be conditioned for or against something. Then television and now the pc and the internet. We have become insular products that can be made to do much. They have not figured out a few things though over the years. Our commonality of issues tells us that this is all very disturbing to what the future may hold for us. I will say that wars do work though. Wars have kept the pigs at bay so that we may become the pigs.
It is my belief that mankind is inherently good and intentions are for the good predominantly. I do not believe that all mankind shares that same trait though, with all of its compositions. I also believe that with these new tools of instant access that we have taken all too human trait to new heights, that of contempt prior to investigation. The knee jerk reaction that reminds me of the SS high step.
I don't know if we have what it takes to run a country like this though. We were born of The Revolution, we fought with our parents in 1812, we fought with our brothers in the Civil War. We ere asked to help the neighborhood out in WWI and WWII and became good citizens. We are now being asked to be grown ups, and you can ask your local ex con how that using force to fix everything works out. I don't think we have it in us anymore to do the hard work that it is going to take, when all we want to do is destroy those things we don't understand.
The same things are here now that have always been around. Race and religion, sexes and classes. Those have always been on the table since well before written history, they always will be. There has been no war or wars that have ever solved those issues, ever.
So if we cannot do the hard work it takes to come to that understanding and work toward solutions. Then we don't have it in us to run this country any further. People are going to come to their conclusions, and come with their beliefs as the world is changing faster than the generations will seemingly allow. One thing is certain and that is things will change, that never ceases.
Will America survive this? My dream is yes and I will do all I can to pave a better future. I have no idea if we will make it though, and what that future America will be. My hope is a brighter one, though I see darker skies ahead. In the end my only wish is that they know that the intent was an honest effort. This land forged for Liberty and Freedom for all did not go silently into that good night.
Learn the Difference
I was taking a bus home a couple of months ago. A nice older gentleman got on, well dressed and wearing a turban, in this case what is referred to as a Dastaar. He took his seat and was sitting calmly on the benches that run over the wheel well. I was in the back of the bus and overheard a few rumbles coming from the younger "adults" in the seat across from me. I heard Muslim a few times and saw their angry looks and stares at the man. One of them barked "go home" in the general direction towards the front of the bus. The gentleman never looked up to see the guys staring at him, he knew where it came from.
Now I am not a small man, nor very large anymore. This had broken through to my anger, then to my calm, and then to my resolve. I looked over and in a voice that said you were going to listen to this. I said "You know that he is a Sikh? Right? Then gazed into their dumbfounded eyes. "This man is not a Muslim! Get you sh!7 together! I am damn more proud to share this bus with him than I am with you! I then sat back in my seat and said in a lecturing type of voice started reciting the history of the Sikhs. Their assistance in the our Revolutionary War, their long proud history of assistance and help to those in need. The story of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea among the many things I rambled like a professor in a college class. This was one of those commuter busses and they had to hear it all before they got off at the next stop. They were just worried about the crazy old guy on the bus by then and that was fine with me. Maybe they learned a lesson? maybe they forgot their hatred for a moment? Maybe it will make them stop and think about stuff they don't know in the future? Don't get me wrong, they were adults and wanted to kick my butt, I was just another old white guy.
http://manybooks.net/titles/vernejuletext942000010...
I think it was the fact that a lot of people smiled at my actions. Including the Ambassador for the bus line, their security. I didn't even know one was on board until my stop later on. The gentleman in the Dastaar never seemingly looked up at all during all of this lecturing I did. But he did smile a bit as I walked near him when I exited the bus. I didn't feel good about this all and I am not proud of my actions, I am embarrassed that I felt it was necessary in this day and age.
When I saw this story I felt it was necessary to bring this to people's attention again. Not ranting on a bus, but yelling it loud and clear here. That if you see someone wearing a turban in this country, more than likely that person is a Sikh. When I was in the Boy Scouts we used edition #5 of the manual from 1938 or so. We were the old fashioned scouts of the area. We had neckerchiefs that were 4' x 4', they were that big to serve a number of different uses, first aid, shelter, you name it. That tradition that was introduced years ago into scouting was from the Sikhs. They only removed their Dastaars for certain reasons, helping others was one of them, the tradition stuck and found is way into scouting.
http://www.torontosun.com/2015/05/25/sikh-hero-rem...
Now there are plenty of reasons that people are seemingly upset with Islam. That is their right to have their beliefs. This is not Islam and GD'it get your sh!7 straight! These folks in California who have to clean up their Temple because of idiocy like this.
This breeding of contempt of differences is a plague like any Biblical plague could ever be. If there is any mercy to have upon our souls, I almost pity the deity who would grant it at this point.
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/californ...
California Sikh Temple Vandalized in Possible Hate Crime - NBC News
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First off I consider myself an Independent. I have voted both sides of the isle and at this time in my life and the state of the country as a whole must lean strongly to the left. I am opinionated and blunt, and am not afraid to call things AS I SEE them. That is all anyone can do, now isn't it. I will mark each one with Opinion or Article, I do that to differentiate between fact/fact based and opinion pieces. Journalism may just breathe again once people figure out the difference.
OP:
7/21/15
A Loss of Meaning
I have been around this Earth for a few years now. I have seen the great triumphs of humanity, and the epic inhumanity of it as well. As we move forward though I am curious and pessimistic about one thing at the moment. Have we lost our meaning?
OP:
6/21/15
The Smell of Things
There is a certain and definite taste in the air, an almost mealy grain on the tongue during the daily grind. The sewers of history and of intolerance are backing up into the streets once more, ugly boils of mankind bubbling up through society's grates. It's fouling stench is coming from everywhere and it is exactly what we have asked for.
The state of the country is not what is in question here any longer. The country will survive through great strife and change, that has been proven time and time again. That is the history and those are the facts. The real issues of angst and anger, of intolerance and greed, and everything deemed wrong here lays with and within mankind. So this piece is not an indictment of a failed political system or party, but of We The People.
We The People started this before We were a nation. We, in our broadest wisdom of the day believed and still do that other people were things. No matter the color of skin we put a value on life in monetary terms. That "value" and "values" system has not left us. It is exactly what we asked for in all honesty, how much am I worth? We misplaced a value first, and that got interpreted as values and somehow we took values and changed that into morals. We are an illiterate society believing in definitions that we entirely made up. There is a reason I bring this up in this manner, it hasn't ever stopped, simply adapted better than we did.
I was once asked: "How can you be angry at a God that you don't believe in?" That question shook my world, and my thinking forever. We often rail against the government, and corporations blaming them for all the ills in our world, that fetted stench. We also rail against others who are different than us whether it be race or religion, political leanings or lifestyles. We brought this all along with us for hundreds of years on a misunderstanding of the very principle we say we hold dear. "How can you be angry at Liberty when you don't believe in it?" There can be no value placed on liberty, if we are the land of liberty, then we have a strange interpretation of the word, and the feeling itself.
When we put a value in monetary terms on a human life all those years ago, we also made ourselves a commodity. Once extrapolated to todays society and world I can't believe that it is not obvious. Once We The People declared that only some men were deemed free, and that others were commodities the buying began. Slaves and Servants became Workers and Planners, they evolved into the many classes we have today. Even better now is the fact that these commodities could be bought or rented as needed for only part of the time. All based on the exact same value system and oft uttered "values" excuse used for their misinterpreted self-righteousness. So are we a nation of liberty or misplaced value(s)?
There is a constant push to legislate our discomforts, to gain control over other people, places and things. I don't believe this is liberty, or freedom simply more of this value system that we have made up because we have expectations. Some have expectations of things not changing, while others have them about constant change. Guess what? Evolution has already answered that question time and time again. Those who do not change and adapt..perish.
We are not adapting, or changing, we are just some silly putty Chimera changing shape but not substance. We are polishing the outside of our garbage cans and complaining about the stink. We have Churches of Starbucks that you go into and pay for your spiritual latte, or mocha. Those would have a better chance to give you a spiritual experience if you spilled them in your lap. We are not changing, we are evolving, and that is also written in natural law as taking an awfully long time. We are evolving slowly into humans again, mankind can have its party, but humanity will win the day.
I would like to think that we are breeding out the intolerance, that the ugly bile of our past is glaring us in the face. Do We The People continue this ruse upon the masses? Or do we finally put an end to the time of man, and truly begin the time of humanity? The government is not to blame, the corporations are not to blame. We have made ourselves into this image, and did it rather easily, but it is time to look in the mirror. With our ugly and embarrassing past, it is never an easy thing to do. You cannot have the valor without acknowledging the wounds. So when I see the hatred, in words and acts, when I hear the intolerance of others in their speech and the will for annihilation of others. I am left with nothing but pity for those who willfully shove their humanity aside for mistrust and hate, misplaced definitions of what things mean. For their shiny garbage cans and the smell of things.
Thanks
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was a mirror article that I wrote on a article to note that men don't always have it so easy either.
A lot of women call this misogyny, I just call it honest from my point of view.
There's this thing that happens whenever I speak about or write about womens issues. Things like Feminism, Rape culture and sexism. I get the comments: You just don't' get it! You don't get to discuss this! What would you know? Misogynist.
Every. Single. Time.
And every single time I get frustrated. Why won't they even listen?
I think I figured out why.
They don't know.
They don’t know about de-escalation. Minimizing. Quietly acquiescing.
Hell, even though men live it,They are not always aware of it. But they have all done it.
We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us unsociable. How to avoid hurting a woman or endangering them. We have all, on many occasions, had to defend an offensive comment. We’ve all been laughed offed by an inappropriate come-ons. We’ve all swallowed our anger when being belittled or condescended to.
It doesn’t feel good. It feels icky. fake. But we do it because to not do it could put us in danger or get us fired or labeled a sexist/misogynist/rapist. So we usually take the path of least precariousness.
It’s not something we talk about on any day. We don’t tell our girlfriends and wives and friends every time it happens. Because it is so frequent, so pervasive, that it has become something we just deal with.
So maybe they don’t know. Maybe they don’t know that at the tender age of 13 we had to start being adult men starting our hormone sickness. Maybe they don’t know that women our Mom’s ages actually push this on to us while we were working the cash register. They probably don’t know that the girl in English class who asked us out sent angry messages just because we turned her down. They may not be aware that our supervisor regularly scolds us for being a man, an ass. And they surely don’t know that most of the time we smile, with gritted teeth. That we look away or pretend not to notice. They likely have no idea how often these things happen. That these things have become routine. So expected that we hardly notice it anymore.
So routine that we go through the motions of ignoring it and minimizing. Not showing our suppressed anger and fear and frustration. A quick cursory smile or a clipped laugh will allow us to continue with our day. We de-escalate. We minimize it. Both internally and externally, we minimize it. We have to. To not shrug it off would put is in confrontation mode more often than most of us feel like dealing with.
We learn at a young age how to do this. We didn’t put a name or label to it. We didn’t even consider that other guys were doing the same thing. But we were teaching ourselves, mastering the art of de-escalation. Learning by way of observation and quick risk assessment what our reactions should and shouldn’t be.
We go through a quick mental checklist. Does she seem volatile, angry? Are there other people around? Does she seem reasonable and is just trying to be funny, albeit clueless? Will saying something impact my school/job/reputation? In a matter of seconds we determine whether we will say something or let it slide. Whether we’ll call her out or turn the other way, smile politely or pretend that we didn’t hear/see/feel it.
It happens all the time. And it’s not always clear if the situation is dangerous or benign.
It is the boss who says She believes something is inappropriate? It is the customer who holds our tip out of reach until we lean over to hug her. It’s the female friend who has had too much to drink and tries to corner us for a “friends with benefits” moment even though we’ve made it clear we’re not interested. It’s the girl who gets angry if we turn her down for a date. Or a dance. Or a drink.
We see it happen to our friends. We see it happen in so many scenarios and instances that it becomes the norm. And we really don’t think anything of it. Until that one time that came close to being a dangerous situation. Until we hear that the “friend” who liked us accused a guy of rape a day later. Until our boss makes good on her promise to fire us on New Years Eve though she catches us alone in the kitchen. Those times stick out. They’re the ones we may tell your friends, our boyfriends, our husbands about.
But all the other times? All the times we felt uneasy or nervous but nothing more happened? Those times we just go about our business and don’t think twice about.
It’s the reality of being a man in our world.
It’s laughing off sexism because we were made to feel we had no valid opinion.
It’s feeling sick to your stomach that we had to “play along” to get along.
It’s feeling shame and regret the we didn’t call that girl out, the one who seemed intimidating but in hindsight was probably harmless. Probably.
It’s taking our date out, finger poised over the “panic” button when we’re walking alone at night.
It’s positioning our keys between our fingers in case we need a weapon when walking to our car.
It’s lying and saying we have a girlfriend just so a girl would take “No” for an answer.
It’s being at a crowded bar/concert/insert any crowded event, and getting kicked out because a girl just wrongly called you a jerk, thinking you were the one who just grabbed their ass.
It’s knowing that even if we spot her, we can't say anything.
It’s walking through the parking lot of a big box store and politely saying Hello when a woman passing us. It’s pretending not to hear as she berates us for trying to be polite. Going further. What? You think you're good enough to talk to me? You got a problem? Pffft… asshole.
It’s not telling our friends or our parents or our wives because it’s just a matter of fact, a part of our lives.
It’s the memory that haunts us of that time we were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s the stories our friends tell us through heartbreaking tears of that time they were abused, assaulted or raped.
It’s realizing that the dangers we perceive every time we have to choose to confront these situations aren’t in our imagination.But we may not speak of them. Because we know too many women who have been abused, assaulted or raped.
It occurred to me recently that a lot of girls may be unaware of this. They have heard of things that happened, they have probably at times seen it and stepped in to stop it. But they likely have no idea how often it happens. That it colors much of what men say or do and how we do it.
Maybe we need to explain it better. Maybe we need to stop ignoring it to ourselves, minimizing it in our own minds.
The girls that shrug off or tune out when a man talks about sexism in our culture? They’re not bad guys. They just haven’t lived our reality. And we don’t really get to talk about the everyday stuff that we witness and experience. So how could they know?
So, maybe the good women in our lives have no idea that we deal with this stuff on regular basis.
Maybe it is so much our norm that it didn’t occur to us that we would have to try to tell them.
It occurred to me that they don’t know the scope of it and they don’t always understand that this is our reality. So, yeah, when I get fired up about a comment someone makes about a girl’s tight dress, they don’t always get it. When I get worked up over the every day sexism I’m seeing and witnessing and watching… when I’m hearing of the things my son and his friends are experiencing… they don’t realize it’s the tiny tip of a much bigger iceberg.
Maybe I’m realizing that women can’t be expected to understand how pervasive everyday sexism is if we don’t start telling them and pointing to it when it happens. Maybe I’m starting to realize that women have no idea that even walking into a store men have to be on guard. We have to be aware, subconsciously, of our surroundings and any perceived threats.
Maybe I’m starting to realize that just shrugging it off and not making a big deal about it is not going to help anyone.
We de-escalate.
We are acutely aware of our vulnerability. Aware that if she wanted to? That girl in the Home Depot parking lot could begin hitting us and doing whatever she wants. Our defences turned into asault.
Girls, this is what it means to be a man. We are sexualized before we even understand what that means. We develop into men while our minds are still innocent. We get stares and comments before we can even drive. From adult women. We feel uncomfortable but don’t know what to do, so we go about our lives. We learn at an early age, that to confront every situation that makes us squirm is to going to put ourselves in danger. We are aware that we are the bigger, physically stronger sex. That girls and women are capable of overpowering us if they choose to. So we minimize and we de-escalate.
So, the next time a man talks about being belittled and how it makes him uncomfortable, don’t dismiss him. Listen.
The next time your husband complains about being called “misogynist” at work, don’t shrug in apathy. Listen.
The next time you read about or hear a man call out sexist language, don’t belittle him for doing so. Listen.
The next time your boyfriend tells you that the way a gal talked to him made him feel uncomfortable, don’t shrug it off. Listen.
Listen because your reality is not the same as his.
Listen because his concerns are valid and not exaggerated or inflated.
Listen because the reality is that he or someone he knows personally has at some point been abused, assaulted, or raped. And he knows that it’s always a danger of happening to anyone.
Listen because even a simple comment from a strange woman can send ripples of fear through him.
Listen because he may be trying to make his experience not be the experience of his sons.
Listen because nothing bad can ever come from listening.
Just. Listen.
Original article. http://driftingthrough.com/2015/11/20/the-thing-all-women-do-that-you-dont-know-about/ _____________________________________________________________________________
My Articles: From Yabberz Political and Social commentary
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Will America Survive?
At this point that is a rather serious question. We have seen what "We the People" have become. Can We support a nation of this kind and scope?
Can this current generation of American souls do the hard work that was needed in the past to pull through this? I have my doubts and they are being substantiated in almost every news story out there. Am I witnessing through a Pandora's gift of the information age, its demise?
From State's rights, to Human rights, Terrorism and Politics, Religion and Freedoms. We have all of the issues that have been with us from the beginning of this adventure into country building. The massive war machines of our past have done little good in actully solving issues and problems and have just spawned newer ones. Where once we were fighting for freedoms from a foreign government has turned into asking them from our own.
I don't think we have the wherewithal anymore to pull this off. Our educations and worldviews are not as lofty as those during the times of the Revolution. Our work ethic has turned into a whining epidemic, and our value as Americans has been turned around on us to mean the very worst of the world.
We seemingly cannot build anymore and our infrastucture is crumbling. We cant afford to fix our bridges, yet we pay for a new stadium every five years. We cannot educate our children without putting them into massive debt, poverty or wealth theirs and our biggest gamble. We have race issues as big as ever, and a new upsurge in the religious issues as well. We have that great red and blue divide that begs me to ask why there is always white in the middle?
We have corruption at all levels and barring none, spies amongst us from every foreign land and government. We have militias and vigilantes patrolling our neighborhoods. With either guns and masks or soccer parents waging a PC war. We cannot afford a sack of groceries without wondering which day to fast yet by golly we got those gas prices down!
We have been for a long time time a programmable commodity and we either don't see it or are just playing along. Mankind became a commodity thousands of years ago, it just changes by the century it seems. We were introduced to it through Town Criers and Church gossip. Then newspapers and books, then through acting and productions. We were programmed to either be conditioned for or against something. Then television and now the pc and the internet. We have become insular products that can be made to do much. They have not figured out a few things though over the years. Our commonality of issues tells us that this is all very disturbing to what the future may hold for us. I will say that wars do work though. Wars have kept the pigs at bay so that we may become the pigs.
It is my belief that mankind is inherently good and intentions are for the good predominantly. I do not believe that all mankind shares that same trait though, with all of its compositions. I also believe that with these new tools of instant access that we have taken all too human trait to new heights, that of contempt prior to investigation. The knee jerk reaction that reminds me of the SS high step.
I don't know if we have what it takes to run a country like this though. We were born of The Revolution, we fought with our parents in 1812, we fought with our brothers in the Civil War. We ere asked to help the neighborhood out in WWI and WWII and became good citizens. We are now being asked to be grown ups, and you can ask your local ex con how that using force to fix everything works out. I don't think we have it in us anymore to do the hard work that it is going to take, when all we want to do is destroy those things we don't understand.
The same things are here now that have always been around. Race and religion, sexes and classes. Those have always been on the table since well before written history, they always will be. There has been no war or wars that have ever solved those issues, ever.
So if we cannot do the hard work it takes to come to that understanding and work toward solutions. Then we don't have it in us to run this country any further. People are going to come to their conclusions, and come with their beliefs as the world is changing faster than the generations will seemingly allow. One thing is certain and that is things will change, that never ceases.
Will America survive this? My dream is yes and I will do all I can to pave a better future. I have no idea if we will make it though, and what that future America will be. My hope is a brighter one, though I see darker skies ahead. In the end my only wish is that they know that the intent was an honest effort. This land forged for Liberty and Freedom for all did not go silently into that good night.
Learn the Difference
I was taking a bus home a couple of months ago. A nice older gentleman got on, well dressed and wearing a turban, in this case what is referred to as a Dastaar. He took his seat and was sitting calmly on the benches that run over the wheel well. I was in the back of the bus and overheard a few rumbles coming from the younger "adults" in the seat across from me. I heard Muslim a few times and saw their angry looks and stares at the man. One of them barked "go home" in the general direction towards the front of the bus. The gentleman never looked up to see the guys staring at him, he knew where it came from.
Now I am not a small man, nor very large anymore. This had broken through to my anger, then to my calm, and then to my resolve. I looked over and in a voice that said you were going to listen to this. I said "You know that he is a Sikh? Right? Then gazed into their dumbfounded eyes. "This man is not a Muslim! Get you sh!7 together! I am damn more proud to share this bus with him than I am with you! I then sat back in my seat and said in a lecturing type of voice started reciting the history of the Sikhs. Their assistance in the our Revolutionary War, their long proud history of assistance and help to those in need. The story of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea among the many things I rambled like a professor in a college class. This was one of those commuter busses and they had to hear it all before they got off at the next stop. They were just worried about the crazy old guy on the bus by then and that was fine with me. Maybe they learned a lesson? maybe they forgot their hatred for a moment? Maybe it will make them stop and think about stuff they don't know in the future? Don't get me wrong, they were adults and wanted to kick my butt, I was just another old white guy.
http://manybooks.net/titles/vernejuletext942000010...
I think it was the fact that a lot of people smiled at my actions. Including the Ambassador for the bus line, their security. I didn't even know one was on board until my stop later on. The gentleman in the Dastaar never seemingly looked up at all during all of this lecturing I did. But he did smile a bit as I walked near him when I exited the bus. I didn't feel good about this all and I am not proud of my actions, I am embarrassed that I felt it was necessary in this day and age.
When I saw this story I felt it was necessary to bring this to people's attention again. Not ranting on a bus, but yelling it loud and clear here. That if you see someone wearing a turban in this country, more than likely that person is a Sikh. When I was in the Boy Scouts we used edition #5 of the manual from 1938 or so. We were the old fashioned scouts of the area. We had neckerchiefs that were 4' x 4', they were that big to serve a number of different uses, first aid, shelter, you name it. That tradition that was introduced years ago into scouting was from the Sikhs. They only removed their Dastaars for certain reasons, helping others was one of them, the tradition stuck and found is way into scouting.
http://www.torontosun.com/2015/05/25/sikh-hero-rem...
Now there are plenty of reasons that people are seemingly upset with Islam. That is their right to have their beliefs. This is not Islam and GD'it get your sh!7 straight! These folks in California who have to clean up their Temple because of idiocy like this.
This breeding of contempt of differences is a plague like any Biblical plague could ever be. If there is any mercy to have upon our souls, I almost pity the deity who would grant it at this point.
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/californ...
California Sikh Temple Vandalized in Possible Hate Crime - NBC News
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