Tempests Follow

The slow grinding is still going on in the grout that is us, the people, the We, the 'Mericans, the ostracized and the enabled. There is a lot of this give the guy a chance, just wait until he brings jobs etc... My wife just unfollowed an old friend, others are dropping from acquaintances to strangers, from friends to frienemies. This fracking that has been put through our collective skin in wreaking havoc on the people. It is sadly mistaken by some to be just a phase, just some extra anger to get through, but I don't think those folks really know what has happened. In reading some comments on the march this weekend, I was amazed the comments from women who were disregarding the reasons and angst that these women have for going through this, again. Women are not oppressed, they get whatever they want, blah blah. It struck me then how big this disconnect is, this whole notion that we are just going to somehow "get over it" and that these are normal things happening t...

Being the youngest in a large family I was always on the run, being held up to someone else's ladder, someone else's ideas for how I was supposed to be. This continued for the rest of my life, even to this day, with family members "doing much better" than I am. A very tall brother who looks amazingly similar the epitome of a good son, I was always a disappointment on so many levels. Being a sensitive person and simply not the archetype of my brother, the doer, the worker, the father even. So it goes to say that I heard the words "grow up" quite a bit. Why can't you be more like your brother? Why can't you do a better job at life? You are so talented what are you doing cooking? You must be lazy, or unmotivated, or something is wrong with your head? All the while not realizing that I was really going to be ok, I just had to get away from all the examples I was not. I miss my sister a lot these days and I think we were just the same in this gifted bus...

I had a dentist appointment yesterday morning, I set up the cleaning and work etc... Then on my way home I decided to stop by a meeting I rarely attend anymore, the mix of toxicity a little too much to take at times. There were a few people that had known me from my beginnings in recovery, and I shared a bit. When, after I shared one of those people said they knew me, would do anything for me, but disagreed with something I had said. I didn't care if they disagreed, that was a given really, it was the part when they said they knew me, that is what stood out in my mind the most. So in pondering these things like I do, I really had to disagree with that statement. I have been tested medically and intellectually to find out about this Gifted business. I have passed with flying colors so to speak in their testing. So if it is a real thing then I definitely have it, and if there are others like me, which there are, they have it too. Now this person that was speaking of me is not the ...

  There are always going to be questions, always a wondering why. There is evidence more and more that the brain is like a muscle and gets stronger and more capable with use. It is even better it seems when examining why the brain goes places where the light and darkness of a day begins.   The shadow of the projectionist is one way I have described it. The thought before the thought, the spark out of millions that create the fire. Like why I am trying to write this as they are splitting logs with a noisy machine less than 20 feet from my desk?   I don't know appears to be the thought of the day and there is so much room for it. As my desk is vibrating from the machine's motor my thoughts are jiggling around in there like jumping beans. In that controlled quantum like state of the fizzing of soda bubbles I find the peace in not knowing. Knowing is not a friend all of the time, in fact, knowing screws us all up. Knowing gives us a choice and a lot of the time we put that...

Welcome to America.... Can I take Your Order? As this week begins, I am reminded again that the events and results from the previous year are trying to push themselves into this one. We are just short of that time when we permanently scar the buttocks of the nation with an asterisk and a question mark. When we hand over the government to those who wish to erode it away. Globalism made to order for a few, the people still a commodity being traded away in the most covert and overt of manners. I have written about the outright antagonism that the Russians have engaged in, the voting and manipulation of the American psyche. Breaking in to C-Span, dogging our cyber security and basically just laughing at us, we apparently are not going to do anything. There are others involved in this as well including our pals the Israelis, if there was a closer tie to another Super Power in this world we would be closer to China, but the Russians are working on them as well, so here we are....

In today's world that title is thrown out there to speak of a lot of things. The cost of housing, and food and electricity, you throw them all together and that is your penance. You must be responsible enough or dirty enough to succeed in covering your cost of living. Through hard work or in some cases none at all, people are programmed from the beginning to cover their costs. There is a price for living in today's world and the rest will be culled by societal natural selection. The fittest survive, the others struggle, while some just simply walk around in their meatsuits, the walking dead. That is our grand society, that is the nature of our success, we enslave from the get go. Program and pull levers to make our offspring just that much more efficient. The system has gone well for so long and it has produced some amazing success, but it is an old and unthinking model that allows nothing else to replace it. A conscription before they are even born, expectations created and a ...

I have had this title sitting up here since November 10th. I had no idea what it was supposed to mean, though I didn't get rid of it for some reason. Was it some part of an idea or concept that already escaped me? Or one that was yet to fully come into clarity? I have no idea where this block is originating from, but it's reach feels somewhat gigantic. Mercury in retrograde may be a part of it, or an inner tornado of bile that won't settle down with the best meds around. Maybe it is just a huge denial system that got kick started like an atomic bomb? Maybe it is a huge realization and a betterment of my perceptions? Maybe it is a grief of mourning for what I once thought I knew, not only about my country, but about people as well? I don't know what to call it because it has not yet made itself clear enough to me. Thus I pick up the pen, or in this case keyboard and walk my way through this. It must have needed a crisp New Year, a new perspective to get something out...

I haven't felt like writing too much, the pains inside are still churning and morphing into the next assemblage of beliefs, truths and lies. Politics like anything else, digs in sometimes and you want to believe you know how you will be governed, how you will live your life, what to expect. We are a precognitive species, we act and react and respond to those upcoming things, out of reassured expectations. I expect to burn myself if I touch a hot burner, yet even that fact is being portrayed as fallible. I understand completely the thoughts of both and even all three, or four sides in this debacle of Americanism. One against the "establishment" which makes no sense, since we can change that at any time through voting and doing our civic duties properly. One the would pit the best qualified against the least in history. The others trying to do just a little of both, trying to turn the great ship Liberty around in the dry dock. I get it, but it was never really what is was...