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Friday Frenetic

  Why not, life is flying by all the time out of control to a degree. There is a story about acetaminifin dulling the empathy area of your psyche. I have to say that just a few months ago I was wondering if it was doing something like that to me. Since I seem to care so much, I was noticing I cared just a little bit less and was able to concentrate on other things. I remember that I was going to look into it and this is the next thing I see on it, hmm.
  Retreating again, with my back and my body proving difficult in getting back to normal. These little reaches out into the society of it all are at least getting longer. I have to look into if neuropathy can lead to permanent muscle weakening etc... My right side doing funny things again. That is not all, I am also doing the mental retreat having given probably too much of myself again. I must have to keep a lot of things a mystery or else people see the idiot hacking away at the keys. Of course I had to prove my point and prove it well, I had to do the scientific thing. People are not responding, my pieces gain little traction anymore, and all is well in my heart it seems. I have proven myself right, people were simply being kind, it's what they do. I am no more a writer than the kid down the street missing his girlfriend. No harm, no foul, I did the work myself, I have proven myself right, however wrongly.
  My life has led me to this point, frail and unstable physically and very similar to the mental state I am in right now. Stable, sure, also left with more questions about life and self than ever before. With all the help in the world, I have to do this alone. I need answers to some questions that I don't even know. Is this sedentary lifestyle be the future? Am I going to get my health back? What the heck am I supposed to concentrate on? Do I jump all in on this writing and creative stuff or just put it all away and get practical only? My biggest failure has always been just being a dreamer, I am terrified if that is what my life is just going to amount to, a dream, a very strange and pitiful dream.
 It may be time to put away all of these childish dreams and make sure I take my Tylenol. Maybe that was what I was feeling a few months ago. Just a way to feel less, and do more practical things. Maybe this was a last grasp at all of the dreams that I had, so I could say a due farewell.

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